Fun Bulldog Facts for Earth Day!

In honor of Earth Day, I decided to do a post about the world's most majestic creature: the English Bulldog. Here are some fun facts about bulldogs! (Spoiler alert: they basically don't even count as dogs.)

1) They can't breathe.

     Bullies faces are so squished that they can't breathe very well. A lot of them (Matilda) even get nose jobs to try to help them breathe better!

2) They can't run.

     This is a can't-breathe-plus-fat problem. Bulldogs are not runners. They can sprint a bit here and there but chances are your bulldog will act like he/she is dying after walking down the block.

3) They can't swim.

     Bullies are too heavy for their short legs to swim. In fact, they haven't been able to swim in so long that most don't even have the instinct. Once, I held Matilda in a pool with her life jacket on to see if she would try to swim, in case she accidentally fell in water. What did she do? Just sat there and splashed a couple times before losing interest and doing nothing. So, yeah. No water for bullies as they won't even try.

4) They're really lazy.

     Don't expect them to have a high activity level. Matilda spends 95% of her day in a position I lovingly refer to as "roadkill".

5) They're allergic to things like grass.

     How can you have a dog that is allergic to grass?! Because she's barely even a dog. Bulldogs are allergy prone and Matilda can't touch grass without breaking out in a rash and gnawing her paws off. We have an entire doggie pharmacy of ointments and wipes that we use after she touches it.

6) They have incredible patience. This is both good and bad.

     Bullies patience makes them great with children and easy to train, as they have no problem repeating tasks over and over. However, this patience also equates to extreme stubbornness if they're trying to defy you. They will never give in, you will have to resort to bribery.

7) They need you to clean their wrinkles and tail pockets or they will get infected and die.

     Going back to how bulldogs could never survive in the wild. You must clean your bulldogs faces and curly tails every day or they can get super infected.

8) They can't lick themselves.

     Because they are so misshapen, they can't actually reach their parts. So you will have to clean them or they will get bladder infections. On the plus side, you can safely kiss your bulldog on the mouth without worrying that he just licked his balls!

9) They sound like little piggies.

     This goes back to the can't-breathe issue. Even if your dog gets a nose job, you will hear nothing but snorting, snoring, and more snorting all day long. They snort when they're happy, they snort when they're mad, and they snore louder than monster trucks when they're asleep (which is always). Matilda pretty much never barks so it really is more like having a pig than a dog.

10) They cannot survive without AC.

     Dogs cool themselves from the roof of their mouths, and bullies have such short faces that they don't do a great job of this. They will pant so hard that they'll overheat and die. Don't leave your bullie outside.

Happy Earth Day from my bulldog to yours!

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Anonymous said...

Very Cute♡

Unknown said...

My bulldog loves to swim! But yes, I did buy him a life vest. He barely keeps his head out of the water without it. He also loves to skateboard.

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